One of the worst things about being the husband of a female pastor, and a Christian, is my inability to protect her from other people. In a past life (a Christian way of saying "before I was
born again) a cook at a pizza place where we both worked called Tina a name that made her very upset. I was working behind the bar, found out, strode across the restaurant, grabbed the guy, picked him and slammed him into the wall and told him he better NEVER say anything like that to my wife again. That was the last time we every say him. He quit his job and never came back. But that was then...
For those that don't know, our church is undergoing a tough time. The youth pastor is leaving and for some reason this has created a minor church split. I'm not sure of the definition of a church split, but a number of people are also picking this time to leave and our going with the youth pastor. While that is hard for those on pastoral staff, hey people are going to do what they are going to do, and there isn't a lot you can do about it. So you just wish them well, bless them for all they've done in the church (because some of them are in leadership, have attended for years, etc.) and let them go on their way.
But several people have taken this opportunity, out of the blue, to just slam the heck out of Tina. Well all along some people have slammed her, because she is a strong woman. Some people don't like strong women. Some people don't like a woman being a pastor. Some people don't like someone in control who will call them on issues, etc. But hey, that's all part of the job. When God calls you to do something, you just grin and do it - regardless of the price. But some people have been friends with her. Have treated her like their pastor. People with issues. People that needed pastoring. And because of her call she has
pastored them. Putting their problems before her families need. (Which is all part of the calling on our entire family). Has spent hours with them, counseling, talking, etc. Hasn't minded when they call on her day off, in the middle of the night, whatever. And that is cool. But now all of a sudden, out of the blue, with no change on Tina's part, some of these people decide she is some evil person. Confronting her for no reason and telling her all the evil/mean/bad things she has done. And saying, "You will NEVER be MY pastor" and "I will NEVER call you PASTOR."
And the awful thing is, the reasons they give are gossip, lies and slander... and sometimes not directly attributed to her. The church did this and the church did that... and being on staff and knowing the processes, business rules and goings on, I know most of them to be outright lies, some of them to be half-truths, and a few to be based on a perception of the truth. And these are people who were close to Tina, in that she poured her life into them and they spent a lot of time with her.
And the overall feeling after the initial shock and getting ticked, is that it isn't their fault. These are great people. After listening to their reasons, the things that have them so upset, etc.; you realize that someone has been really pouring garbage into their lives. Someone has really been filling them with lies and gossip to have them so upset. To get them to believe, contrary to everything they have said in the past and the way they have behaved.
And as a Christian and a Pastor there isn't much she can do about it. And as her husband there isn't anything I can do about it. In the past when this kind of thing has happened to her at church, when someone slandered her and told lies, and I knew who the person was, I was tempted to call them up and just chew them out. But God must be maturing me. Flying off the handle isn't what Tina would want, it isn't what Pastor Joe would want. And it certainly isn't what Jesus would want. Jesus was accused of all kinds of things He never did. He was slandered and gossiped about. And He said if we followed Him, it would happen to us as well. And as He took it, that is how we are supposed to take it. But He also said it is hardest when it comes from a brother, a fellow Christian, someone you are close to. And besides, this time I don't know where it is coming from. Sure, I know the people getting upset, but other than not handling the lies and gossip well, they aren't really at fault. Its the people behind it that are really at fault and who knows who that is.
Its amazing that our kids, pastor's kids, are not bitter against the church. I've seen many pastor's kids who are. Its a sign of their strong relationship with God, and their maturity, that our kids understand that this isn't about God, and it really isn't about
the church. As a Christian you learn early to keep your eye on God, not on man... well you learn it or you leave the church. It is unfortunate, but it is the way it is. We are just all humans. With human problems. Being a Christian doesn't always make us "better", although it should. It really just means we have accepted Jesus as Lord, and IF we listen to Him, it gives us the grace to handle our issues in a godly way.
So... in these times I choose to walk in His grace. To just love my wife, support her through this, not slam anyone up against a way and tell them to NEVER talk that way to my wife again. But instead just pray that He will give her peace and help her to deal with some of the people He has called her to shepherd. And then to focus on all the awesome people He has called to be part of this church. All the people that would do whatever it takes to support her and who are always there for her. And to just blog about it in an attempt to blow off some steam.
Is God alive? Definitely. He has certainly changed my life and how I handle things...
