Look around, He is there

Today was a great day. I rented a set ot snorkeling gear and after we dropped Kian off at school, I borrowed Tif's car and went adventuring. Took a few wrong turns, but ended up at Ala Moana Regional Park.

I sent snorkeling along the main beach and it was a good swimming beach, but not that great for snorkeling, at least not up close and I didn't want to go out to the reef which was quite a ways out. So I got out and walked over to the lagoon, which had a pretty good reef along the edge with a few openings where the tide was coming in. I swam that entire thing and it was pretty good. Not a ton of great fish, but good enough and some I'd never seen. Some strong current along the openings in the reef, some shallow and deep areas. I probably spent a good hour swimming, which is good for my arm/shoulder. So that was all very cool and I was tired out and had that "I just swam for quite a while" feel, which I love.

So I grabbed my stuff back off the beach (which I had hoped no one would bother and no one did) and then showered off in cold water (felt great) and then changed. I then went looking for food as I was starving. I figured there might be a shrimp truck or something around. Tif said I could head over to the mall.... but dude... I'm on the beach in HI, I don't want to eat any mall food! :)

I was basically just walking around the park, just watching all the people and the birds, (this dude was walking around with birds all over his arms and shoulders and head. No idea what that was about), people biking, folks sleeping in the shared, little kids swimming. It was just so chill, so cool, so laid back. And so beautiful. It just makes me appreciate the coolness of the Father to look at his creation.

Anyway, I saw some folks carrying to-go boxes and so I knew there had to be some food *somewhere*. I saw this tent and it looked like it had about 15 to 20 folks around it. Seems a little big for a party so maybe there were selling food. As I got close I could see it said "New Hope Christian Center, Oahu". Sounded like Tif's church (it wasn't exactly) and maybe they were selling food or something. So I headed over.

I walk up to this guy and say "Is this New Hope?" and he says "Yeah bra, first time? Sign here and get in line" and I say, "I think this is my daughter and son-in-law's church" and he says "Just sign here and get in line" - so the next thing I know he is saying "First time in line" and this guy is waving at me and they hand me a plate of food. Its all kind of a blur. So I look around and finally realize they are feed folks in the part, mostly (totally?) homeless. So I take the plate of food and the person says "Bless you bra" and I say "Bless you!" and then I go sit down on the beach wall with some other homeless folks and eat my plate of food.

(About this point in the story, as I relate it to Tif, she is just staring at me with her eyes very wide and her mouth kind of open... o.o <== like that. And I just start laughing.)

So I'm sitting there, eating some awesome tasting poke, and a piece of whole wheat bread and some white rice. And its really good. And I'm eating that up, and then 1/2 a chocolate muffin (yeah... not on my diet - but God provided, it must be cool, right?)  So I'm just hanging out on the wall and eating my food with some other folks and the church is packing up and folks are walking by, "Good to see you again Raymond. The meat was pretty good today huh? Make sure and come back!" and then to me "Bless you brother" and I say "Bless you" back. I mean... what was I going to do, say "Hey, its all a mistake! I'm not homeless." Nope, just take what God gives me, and in a way be a blessing to those who gave it to me and ask God to bless them for the work they do.

So anyway, I'm just sitting there... in Hawaii, in the park, in my swimming gear, just having gone snorkeling, eating a plate of food that kind of appeared out of no where - and is just what I was looking for... street food, Hawaiian food. And I'm thinking "Wow... I am so blessed". So blessed in the little things. Now many people probably are shaking their heads about now... but Tif said "Sounds like you dad." and I'll take that. I'm His kid. Some times its the little things... Just sitting on the beach, looking around and just thinking how cool it all is. It wasn't that I couldn't afford to buy lunch, it wasn't that there was no lunch in sight (there was a little cafe about 1/2 block away it turns out). But it was just such an adventure for me. And such a blessing for me. And He does that kind of thing for me all the time. I'm sure He does for others too... although perhaps in a different way. I guess not everyone would think sitting on a beach wall with a bunch of homeless people, eating pork and rice and throwing some bread to the birds, would be the most awesomest thing every... But for me it was.

And then I went and got back in the car and drove over to the "Hawaii Five-O HQ" and took a pic and then headed back to Tif's. Going through the base gate and showing them my pass (I got one yesterday) and getting all choked up when the 18 year old kid with the M-16 checked my id and waved me through... because: a) its a military base, and b) there is this kid guarding it. I told him "Thank you for your service" and he just kind of looked away and said "You're welcome" and waved me through... Which is pretty much what every service person I've said it to acts like. Like embarrassed and that its nothing... but its a *big deal* what they do.

Anyway, sitting my kid's kitchen, typing all this up, and just feeling extremely blessed by my Dad that I get to do this, and that His creation is so cool, and so many of His children are so cool - and just... well everything.

I hope in some way this blesses you (if anyone reads this, lol) and that even if it seems weird to you, that you think about the little things that He does for you, that bless you. That flower poking out of the snow, the sound of your child/grandchild giggling, that picture that you took that captured just what you wanted it to, that... whatever it may be.

Be blessed... I am!

A Father's Heart

I'm an introvert. I get restored by being alone. Weird to many, but it's just the way it is. Because of that, I spend a lot of time alone, and some of that time I just spend just thinking about things.

Today I was thinking about my girls. How much I love them. How precious they are to me. How much I hurt when they hurt. I've never really had a way with words. I'm more of a hugger than a talker. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, but I hope my girls know how much I love them anyway. When they call me hurting, I just want to hold them tight in my arms and let them know it's going to be ok... Like when they were little kids. It's a bit harder now that they are "all growed up."

Because of some stuff going on over the last week, it really made me think about this tonight. Everything is ok, but it just made me think about it. And is want to happen, when I think about my dad relationship with my girls, it makes me think of my Dad's ( God's ) relationship with me and other humans. As I sit here thinking about how I wish I could make it all better when something goes wrong, or how I hope they know how much I love them, or how I just had the right words to say... I hear the Holy Spirit expressing similar feelings to me.

We sometimes step out if what God has for us, and it sometimes makes it hard for Him to bless us in the best way possible. We sometimes don't talk to Him and that makes it hard for Him to say the right things to us... Not because He doesn't know what to say, but because we don't listen. He also worries about whether or not we know how much He loves us, because most if the world doesn't, and because there are so many incorrect views in the world of who He is.

As I think on how short life is, how my girls childhood went by so fast, and how I grieve, in a way, for missed chances, I think about how God misses all the days He could have had with us, but we did not know Him. Or all the things He could have helped with, but we did not ask. But, just as I also am happy with all the things I can participate in now with my girls, and how grateful I am that Jaime is close, and Tif is just a text or FaceTime away; I also know that my Father in Heaven takes joy in the fact that I soak to Him now, and that I have a good relationship with Him.

So anyway... Yeah, introverts. We say things on the internet we'd never say face to face... Because hey, it's only a few million people here ;)

Love your kids, they grow up way too fast. And love your Dad. His heart aches for you!

A Father's Love

[Reposted from FB. Easier to fine here and its good to go back once in a while and read stuff...]

So I'm txting one of my kids, because they are having a rough time right now. Breaks my heart. I'm not sure if there is anything I can do... but I just felt I should txt them and say "I love you, let me know if there is anything I can do." They are an adult and sometimes as parents of adults there isn't things we can do to "fix" something. But if I can... I want to. Anyway, as I'm txting that and thinking about how much I love my kid and how I wish I could fix it... if there was just something I could do to help, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "You know, that is how your Father feels too". WOW - wake up call! Put that in a whole new light for me. Sometimes God the Father is just watching from heaving thinking "Man, I just wish my kid would ask for some help. Yeah, they are a 'grown up' and want to fix it themselves... but if they would just say 'Father, I need help with this, could you take care of for me?'; then I could help them out.

Just the Holy Spirit reminding me; how I feel about my kids, the Father feels 100 times more about me. I know that, but never thought about the above in that light. Sweet... Thanks Holy Spirit! :)

The Incredible Faithfulness of God

subtitle: I'm glad my plans & vision are not God's plans & vision for me!

So while this is a story I often tell, its one worth repeating...

This past week was a productive, but long week. Flew to Baltimore on Wed. Met all day in Baltimore on Thur then few to Indy, getting to the hotel at 1am; then meetings all day on Friday and flew home and back by midnight.

My alarm clock (my phone) automatically adjusted for DST, but somehow the alarm was set for 7:30 instead of 6:00. So I woke up late and was running late this morning. Still tired, rainy and blah out and running late. One of those "Man... I just don't *feel* like going to church, but I should." Had that feeling like worship was just going to be mellow... and well somewhat... mimicking my spirit/feeling I guess.

So I get to church about 15 minutes late and the worship team is already practicing. I walk in... and they are running through a song that I just really love. I'm immediately drawn in. Practice is great and we talk about some good things.

Then church starts and we start worship and its just *great*. Its passionate. His presence is there. It draws the passion out of me. I'm singing (with out a mic of course!) at the top of my lungs... doing my throaty growl voice... lol. Kind of Janice Joplin, Danny Wagner/Cosmo, mix of me back in the day singing American Band. I just want to burst out. Even when Adam brings the song down... the percussion just keeps going. It just feels right. God is so good. Awesome songs, awesome presence.

Anyway... a great morning of worship. And not at all what *I* was expecting, but totally what God knew was going to happen. I'm so glad he kicks my butt out of bed sometimes and says "Yes, you are going. Not get up there." Because He knows what is in store, even if I'm clueless. Thanks Father! I love you!

105 Trip - Day 1

Left home at about 6:15, running a little late but got to Pueblo about 7:10 and we headed out. It was a good first day. I got tired in the afternoon and pretty sleepy, but once it cooled off I was fine. Got 11 ABC pictures today!

Stopped in Kinsley, KS for lunch. Asked a fireman doing the "boot for MDA" thing where was a good place to eat. He directed us to a Mexican place that was pretty good. Food wasn't very spicy, but alright and the quality was pretty good.

Had one car passing a lane of traffic, heading at us, and we had to slow down (and so did the lead car) to let him in w/o hitting us. :( - Other than that (and it wasn't close or anything), no mishaps or potential ones.

Radio is acting up. Didn't come on twice. Will have to have someone look at it later.

Dinner, after dark, in Emporia, KS, was at the S & S cafe. Little tiny, "Good Food - Open 24 hours" place. VERY LOCAL. Old time mid-west type salad bar... radishes, green onions, cucumbers and onions in vinegar! Young waitress - a little attitude. Chicken fried steak was homemade. Meat was good. Gravy was good. Hashbrowns "done crispy please" were PERFECT. This was definately my kind of Road Food place. Just what I wanted in all aspects - even the locals smoking (not too much smoke) wasn't bad. It all screamed road food diner, and the quality and taste was exactly what I was looking for.

Time to hit the hay soon. We made it over 1/2 way to Ted & Christi's on day one, so should get in early enough tomorrow to go to the dealer party. Plus did 11 ABCs today and only plan on 9 tomorrow... But some are standard letters so if I don't get them all, no big deal.

Oh - and one more thing. There is nothing like going down the road at 65 MPH, cool breeze rushing past you, worship music on the iPOD, across the plains of CO and KS, looking at the farms, green, streams, trees, etc. - to bring God's creation into focus and clarity.

Day 1 was a great start to the trip!

Where's my heart?

Had lunch with an awesome friend the other day. Discussed numerous things, and one of the things he asked me was, "Where's your heart?". The context and meaning was, "So - how do you stand with God? What's going on with that part of your life? How come you aren't back in church?" This was not meant as a guilt thing, it was just a question. A general desire to know.

That is the cool thing about good friends and part of what I feel it means for "iron to sharpen iron". Keeps you on track. Makes you reflect. All good stuff.

So - in case anyone cares - or just because this is what I do sometimes - journal stuff, here is basically what I said.

God and I are good. Christians and I are good. The church "Jesus' bride" are good. Me and the church as an organization - kind of whatever.

I don't miss church at all. I kind of did at Easter. After all - for so many years Easter was pretty consuming. Doing much practice to put some kind of program together. And not just "a program" - but truely meaningful, you can feel God's presence, impact the people, kind of stuff. So not doing any of that was - just kind of weird.

But on a Sunday to Sunday basis - nope, don't miss it at all.

What I really miss is *worship*. And we all have our quirks and what we like and all that stuff. And for me, what "works" - what makes me feel God's presence, is passionate, go with the flow, follow the Holy Spirit, slamming worship. The kind where Teresa's sax or Bobby's guitar just goes off and Greg's bass follows it, and I've heard it before it even started, and you can feel it in the pit of your stomach and you know its coming, and you just can't stand still - so if you are playing percussion you jump, and if you are drumming you start rocking and playing across the symbols - and then you feel it and it all goes quite all of a sudden and everything comes down - and then it swells again - and you just feel His presense and here His voice - and stuff happens... and then its been 30 minutes or an hour and you didn't even know time passed.

Yeah... I really miss that. And so much of me doesn't believe I can find that in "church" - and perhaps part of me is afraid to even look.

But my heart is ok... and I don't "mind" visiting a church... and "worship" is ok... and I'm really busy at work doing really cool stuff.

But I do miss it.