Seminar thought - its not about you.

Point: Sometimes our mate may say something to us in a really mean, angry, or hurtful way. The think to remember is that it isn't about us. Its not necessarily that they are so mad at us. It might just be their personality... how they handle things. It might be how they would speak to anyone they were mad at, had a confrontaion with, etc. What you have to do is listen to what is being said... not how it is said.

Realization: Good point. Sometimes (especially if you are a non-confrontational person like myself - and get easily lost in "how" something is said, rather than "what" is being said) we get all wrapped up in "that was mean", "you didn't say that every nicely" and miss the entire point. And sulk. Different people have different communication styles. If you can get past how something is being said, "They aren't being mean... at least in their mind. It isn't something personal against me. That is how they would say it to anyone", and concentrate on what is being said... you'll get further. You'll understand better and be able to better solve the siutation.

Also, a good thing for me to remember is that my wife is a pastor. That means she has to deal with people all day long... and depending on their personalities she has to treat them with kid gloves, walk on egg-shells, etc. In other words, worry about how she says something, as much as what she is saying. And the last thing she wants to do (or should have to do), when she gets home and something arises is have to go through the same thing with me. So she just lets me have it. ;-)

This isn't a whine. This isn't a "we argue all the time" (we rarely do). But I thought this was worth posting. Other people have spouse that are pastors, counsulers, etc. I thought it was a good revelation and something I took away from the cruise.

Get over yourself. Its not about you. Don't concentrate on how it was said and get all hurt over that... be mature and look into what is being said.

Good stuff.